Friday, 23 January 2009
The memories you gave me, so beautiful that i could not forget. Now, i made this choice, to pull away from you. please dont make me regret. i hope you will have a better and happier future. You never knew how much your every word hurt me, and you will never know in the future too. Actually, i really miss you alot. but i still can control myself from contacting you.
Hmm went SPSU GP training today. was very weird at first. Knew no one, didnt even know if we were welcomed or not. But yea after the session my impression or this people changed, they seems to be more freindly then i expected. And the girls were rather those people that initiated to get things moving instead of the guys.haha. Rather interesting.=)
All i want is to know more friends, have more activities. I dont wish to stay home everyday.
- 23:17;
Thursday, 22 January 2009
thought of the pass, feeling the change in me. nothing i could say, more on sorrow and hopelessness. Unknown to me, is her now. wondering if she is happy with her life. I pray for you.Wonder if she felt any thing. but here i am, feeling worried and sadness.
- 19:04;
Tuesday, 20 January 2009
Too many things are happening. wasnt in any mood of joy/celebration. Things just hit till the limit. If it didnt break through it, it fall back the the very beginning. i kept telling myself, i was wrong, it was my fault. Give in and tried to trust. I dont ask for anything, all i needed was the trust between us. Guy A appeared, you told me im too much. now, B and C. and who knows what you kept from me. I admit, sometimes being that unreasonable. have you wondered why? you said i concern too much on the return, how about you? have you given in without complains? Currently you blame me for all the problems we have. Was it that i didnt try to understand you? or was it that you didnt tell me anything? After all the problems, you brought in people who you felt are so much better. And now you said i assume things that werent true. Before you do anything had you even ask yourself how you would feel if you were that person? Its not a time to argue anything, different people thinks different, its just weather you get the picture behind it. Since to you im not worth, im just keeping silent. I know you have many things and werent in any good mood. Whats is the point of quarreling? since i tried, since things seems to be ugly to you. Ill just stay oneside. as long as i see that you are happy with no matter who or what. If we could get close again, all i need now is that special trust that we both can give each other. And please i am not trying to blame you on anything, i just hope you understand how i feel.
Warning letters on attendance. Exams arriving soon. New year just few days later. I still dont know what i want to do. doing pointless things everyday. Wheres the colour in life?
However, im not as bored as i were last time. This little new member of the family, kept me entertained. This little dog, cute and lovely. Likes to irritate me. but its so cute that i even played with it. lol! Force it to learn to jump, learn to bark. etc. Just so cute and innocent. I just love this new member. He definately cheers me up eveyday. Have stop bowling, only on mondays when training is on. Seem no motivation yet. but its coming soon.. haha!
- 18:18;
Monday, 19 January 2009
Went for morning lesson. After that skipped school, didnt have any mood for class. Went for training in the evening. Then home. Recieve call that i wasnt selected for nationals this year. i thought there was hope after topping the table, but yet again. False hope.
reached home, went online. Viewed blog. It was just to much of a suprise. Heart sank, tear almost drop. Didnt expect that you would do all this. Since things had to be this way, there isnt any thing i can even do. You made it so clear. If the past wasnt false. You want to tell me the message, so you decided to blog it all. Now im telling you i got it. To let you happy. i................. I just never believe. You pulled it so near so you could stab it real hard. You might have forgotten this part of your life. But ill tell you, this hurt can never recover. I never lied, its you didnt know what was going on. Lastly, theres nothing to explain anymore but i swear i love you truthfully.now, i respect your desision. You were nice, you tried very hard, i let you down again and again. Its time you persue your happiness. Be happy always. Take care.
I hate the year 209. Its all begins in hopes and ends with nothing. So back to square one, where things started off hopelessly. You were the hope, so was bowling. Yet both of it.......
- 22:47;
Sunday, 18 January 2009
there was nothing i could do. even if i did, saying all the encouragements. you just say thanks. im just that normal to you. since you know he is good, you should cherish it, let it develop. i encourage you to and may luck be with you. All the best in future.
all the mistakes seems to be with me. have you tried waiting for a reply that never comes? how would you feel? dishearted? will you even message the person again? when your good your really fantastic. when your not you ignore. if it was all my fault, well ill shut my heart, let go of you. you might be happier. definately. your words were mean, its torned my heart apart. now its numb, the pain will subside. just like anything else. theres always an end to everything. so monday. was the last day you were the girl i love and cherished most. you will never care about the way i tried anymore.
- 01:10;
Wednesday, 14 January 2009
didnt made it, but its okay. Kind of understand life already. nothing is fair. anything can happen. yup=) And i pass my eng with C6. hmm at least i pass. whee~! Happy birthday TO LYNAL LOW!.. i dont know what are my plans about bowling. still yet to start bowling.
And thanks to this girl, she held her anger back trying hard to understand me. I might be very unreasonable. but otherwise im always good right? ha Thanks alot. hope you get well soon
I cant take false hopes, if there were any, please let it never happen. i beg you. I just want to be with a girl, only the two of us in our own world. i miss what love is, i miss the feeling of loving and being loved by.
- 02:24;
Monday, 12 January 2009
sometimes you were there, sometimes you cared, sometimes you made me think you dont, and you wont there. have anything i done touched you? have you really understand what i need. You just walked away. Do you know i was hurt everytime you treated me that cold. again and again. since you walk away, you treated me cold, then why come back when you got nothing to do. What am i to you? did you really cherish or you just needed the attention? everytime i swear ill climb up the ladder with you, but often you forgot and left me behind. i fall after every setback. Maybe the ladder broke, or maybe my legs were the one that broke. when i needed the hand, to help me up. It was never you. disappointed, but its the way you are. so what if i changed, you never know that i did. it was no ones fault, just glad i had this memories left, to bring along with me, and to move on. If you hate me, that i lied, think again. Haven i tried hard enough? everyone has feelings. no matter how hurt, angry i was. I still think i should give in, and that things will get better. Till now i realised, i was wrong. as time past, we got drifted away. so far till you never want to see me anymore.
Happy belated birthday to Ligeng and her sister,Jamie. haha! Went 'Future' with they two and her sis friends! Spent alot money OMG! haha but nevermind. Birthday girl enjoyed? haha first time at club hor someone. hope its enjoyable for you! haha. Drank a bit, dance a bit. then rest a bit.......haha.. most people club till drank. but someone club till wanna SLEEP! haha you know who arh..haha.. hmm
Today went suntec to do CIP! lol quite boring, but enjoyable la. alot people. lol Then went Orchard with mum and dad to shop.
Tomorrow(12/1/09) is O levels result release date. omg. Will i pass eng? HAHA! and tomorrow might have to do CIP again at Ngee Ann polytechnic. Argh! lets see if i feel like going tomorrow lol!
- 01:02;
Saturday, 10 January 2009
hasnt been bowling for the pass 4 days. was rather glad. but the feeling of not training sux. i totally have no idea what i want now. life is just not fair. i just want a group of good friends and a joyful week end. thats all. can I? please!
- 01:33;
Friday, 9 January 2009
I feel so neglected by you.But I dont dare to do anything, i know you will get so angry. aish. what have i done wrong again in the afternoon?
- 01:50;
Wednesday, 7 January 2009
Hmm was doing econs project/ report. still yet to complete, deadline this friday. really dead. HA! whoa, didnt bowl again today!. yes! i am controling the temptation to bowl. HAHA! i did it. Hmm today lesson was kind of slack. did nothing, slack all the way and lesson was over just like that. See poly life is so waste of time. HAI!
Anyway, get well soon and enjoy your training, hope you can improve fast. i do think for you still.
And am i really that desprate? maybe yes.
- 23:39;
Tuesday, 6 January 2009
HMM! super late for lesson today. all because of the freaking heavy laptop. had to bring it today. bag super big!. and cant squeeze into the MRT! omg. miss a few MRT, too shy to try to squeeze into the MRT. LOL. my bag was so big la. so pai seh. HA! as usual so tired, fell asleep in all the lectures. Too bored! that fact. When home after school today! DIDNT GO TO ALLEY! amazing. well done derrick. went home with friends, chat and joke. whaoo. so long didnt go back with them, didnt realised it was that fun. Went to collect my new specs then went home. Changed and went to play basketball. NG SHI MEI! You see how good this friend here is! You ask jiu go liao. Wheres my international buffet you owe me? from a pizza hut 2 years ago till now also haven treat. now plus interest!. lol..
Random thought= Get a job soon!
Learn guitar!
Stop Bowling for now..
Wonder if you had thought of me tonight? hais.. i miss a friday month ago, the day you tried to give in to me, tried to avoid the worst of it can get, and made me feel that you actually care. i remember this day, the best memory i had. the future now seems to uncertain.
- 23:19;
Sunday, 4 January 2009
Went malaysia just now. came back around seven plus. singapore too stress! ha! thought today was a good day for me. something happened. its was ugly. i hate it. What are those suppose to mean? aish. Tired, got to go sleep already i guess.. tomorrow long day plus training. i hope all the thing are over. and that you would think before you do something. All i wish to know now. Do you care as much as you do in the past? will you sacrify? or you still like the way you were alone. Things that were simple, has became so complicated. And If you dont like anything about my post, DONT READ!. good night people.
- 23:39;
Saturday, 3 January 2009
all you see was how bad i was, how i managed to lied. if this is all you always see, then okay, im wrong. you can be angry, annoyed. and all. but i got no rights for it. you started all this. you blamed me for it. i dont tink this is fair. anyway there is nothing fair. you decide if you want to understand. cause i did. all this time, things got so complicated, i wish i never had see things so clearly. now i knew so much, i hate the way things are now. i had lost the way i used to be, the way i see about you. yes it was just my fault. and forever will it be.
- 13:11;
Friday, 2 January 2009
hmm, never had i expected the girl i used to hate, was the one that understood me. what im up to, what i want. it was my mistake to blame her, hate her. cause she wasnt even awear of the situation. life is really full of surprises. and perhaps she was right. i might have to agree with her. there wont be any future even if i did carried on. all other thing might be true too. opposite things happened, the girl i used to trust most, end up .... no point saying anymore. its just how different the way we think. maybe this is fate. its a new year. i shall have new resolution and new targets in life. Studies of cause. bowling too, then a girl that understands and dont mind doing whatever for me. HAHA! sounds good right. ha ill never find those type. lol. just my imagination. Results were so bad. noting i want to comment on. bowling still an uncertainty. this is life. HA! Love is liar. my shirt says so.. haha! ALRIGHT so glad i understood that life not all about 1 thing. HA! lets party! and happy new year EVERYONE. Oya jerene! sorry forget to thank you. HA! you are love guru! HAHA!
- 18:46;
