Life of no regrets

Sunday, 21 December 2008

Yup, today is much better day. met her, talk a little. at least i got to see her before i leave for milo. im contented. hmm bowling is not improving, tried a few games. cant bowl like i use to. i need to improve back fast please. Other wise, today is rather a good day!.. cheers

Lamborghini - 00:03;

Saturday, 20 December 2008

Was watching Tv just. about some love relationship. it made me recall so much about my pass. I teared. sometimes i feel that i shouldnt be a guy. i feel i am more to a girl, teared so easily. since young till now. Im really feeling very empty. theres no one i can talk to. i wont flirt anymore. didnt talk to alot people today. trying to keep to my own promise, that i wont flirt anymore. But im very troubled, theres no one there. Im really feeling empty for this time. im really left with no one. i have so much to say. but its all bottled up in me. would a girl love me like i was the only guy she wanted in earth? Is there true love? im so empty, i dont know how. for so many years, i have failed in love. I just hope for a girl that will hold me, and lead me on. now i felt i have fallen, so deep that i cant get out on my own. Why is that so? i just need the special one girl. I tried so hard. but fail so many times. Love isnt true to me. this might just be my life. as lonely as i am. Empty night.

Lamborghini - 02:31;

Friday, 19 December 2008

i decided that i really need to do something. so i went down, hope to clear things out. But didnt really see you. But the wait is worth while. I wont regret doing so much for you. even if you dont really feel it. i realised it the process not the result. I might have tried and fail but its better then i didnt try and fail now. at least i have no regrets. At last we started to talk a little. should i be sad or happy? no more that close as we were, now we are like strangers. maybe you have lost all the feeling through out the last few days, but i never had. I just want you the be happy now. i put so much sadness into your life. i never realised you tried so hard too, till i reflect back on it when your gone. will you talk to me like how you wanted to talk to me? will you do what you have done for me? will all this get any better as time goes by? i just hope for your trust back.

Don't tell me it's not worth trying for, you can't tell me its not worth dying for, you know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you.

Lamborghini - 13:56;

Thursday, 18 December 2008

Just got home from cycling. has been my second hobbie now. everytime i dont feel good/ happy there i go.. traveling on it. play leauge yesterday night. screw it up. my lowest 3 games in the leauge. dont feel good again. the pain has came back, im stopping from now for a few days hopefully timing is still there. hmm i really dont like the feeling of wearing the strappal. but theres no other choice. ive to go get pain killer before malaysia trip. remind me people, thanks.
I bought myself a new phone for X'mas. super broke. but i like it. its dam cool! whee!~ im feeling so much better now.. thanks to Shi hui, Si tong, Dalbert, Louis And JERENE! really thanks so much so much for being there.

"I might have failed, but i have loved you from the start."

Lamborghini - 11:04;

Tuesday, 16 December 2008

Woke up before the my alarm rang. Dont know why feeling very emotional. Was thinking how is she now. Tears droped for her. i realised every little thing that i done to allow her to feel im not the one she can trust. I realised it. But is she still interested in letting herself trust me again? its was hurt after hurt, for every forgiveness she gave me. i took that for granted. Little did i realise that she was getting tired in giving me her trust. and now suddenly, just one shot, she let it all out. now the feeling of being all alone, has made me think alot. its really my regret. its all my fault..

Tears just drop, telling me not to let go. My eyes saw it so clearly, my mind thought it through in detail. I've lost a wonderful girl, that is so hard to find now.

Lamborghini - 11:36;

Im getting used to the way things is now. Feeling very neutral about what happened. Just regreted what Ive chosen. But things that were done are done. Its just me geting use to it now.. Started to go training already, but still feeling down in the way i bowl. Just need some motivation. Hmm..

Nothing last forever.

Lamborghini - 01:16;

Monday, 15 December 2008

Maybe im getting irritated to her. Shall just leave her alone. She's turning cold to me. And i could feel its gone soon. Aish.If fate brought has brought us close, it will led us on. If it wasnt meant to be, then it will continue like this. althought i hope i couls do something, but i know im getting irritating to her now. Other then i promise to change, there isnt anything i can do. Its time for her to move on. maybe she will be happier.

Derrick cheer up!..=*(

Lamborghini - 05:16;

Sunday, 14 December 2008

Do you still remember all this?

This were memories that i thought of..
I know how much you lost your trust. I know how much hurt you have gone through with me. But there were happiness we shared, sweetness we been through. And has been nine days since everything changed. Will you let this mistake affect those times we had? I dedicate my this post to you. And i write it here."Sorry to jasmine, its was a mistake i made. A total regret. has been hard on you, I'll make it up. For if theres love, you will forgive me. And ill wait. I promised you ill change, and im changing. " I'll wait till you give me your reply.

Things can change if there was a chance to do so. Remember what you promised? you wont ignore me. And i believe you wont.

Lamborghini - 16:12;

Saturday, 13 December 2008

Out of fustration i went out to bowl. timing wasnt there, accuracy needless to say, score gone. How am i suppose to go milo next next week? im totally off. my bowling sux. so is my life now. everything just seems to be gone. im feeling real fustrated. this was my score. there is noting i can do now, but pray. my motivator is no more there. she wont care anymore. i Dont feel like bowling anymore. depressed with myself. Fuck off derrick. Let me rot alone. please stop caring for me. You dont deserve to go through all this with me.

83! compared to weeks ago where i had 200 over averages. this is depress enough dont add on to this please.

Lamborghini - 23:00;

Im sorry for what i wrote previously. i was too hush. my bad.

Thanks Jerene for chatting with me, trying to cheer me up. at least i know theres someone who care. You enjoy your trip to malaysia okay? take care..
Pei Jin, well im cheering up..=) thanks for trying to talk me out, it seems useless talking right. but ill get over it la.. haha. =)How's CO?
To hui ying: Get well soon. Hope your fever subside.
Yi Ting sorry didnt go town yesterday, was too moodless to do anything. stay home since morning. visit you soon okay? enjoy working.=)

Lamborghini - 13:19;

Friday, 12 December 2008

Bored and i did this..And found out it seems just like me.
Laid-back Doers are friendly, happy persons. They enjoy being together with other people. Smart, eloquent, witty and charming, they like to be the centre of attraction. They do not like to be alone. Their zest for life ensures that others feel well in their company and that they quickly get to know people. Laid-back Doers get the best out of every moment - many people of this type have a gift for making their whole life one big party. Boredom is unknown in their presence because they are very good at carrying others away with their enthusiasm, their good mood and their optimism. They are pragmatic, realistic and live completely in the here and now. One will also seldom find them inactive in their spare time; due to their open, curious nature, they mostly have many hobbies and interests. They are not afraid of the unknown: as they are flexible and creative, they quickly adjust to new situations and make the best of them. They sometimes come into conflict with strict rules or hierarchies by which they quickly feel constrained and against which they rebel.
As friends, Laid-back Doers are generous, helpful persons who attach great importance to harmonious relationships and a good atmosphere. Their sociable manner means that they have a large circle of friends and they love having the house full of many different types of guests. They are happy to give in to their spontaneous moods and fancies in the just one or two important things. This makes them appear somewhat unpredictable to those with a quieter nature. When it really matters, you can rely on them one hundred percent.
As partners, they are creative, impetuous and imaginative - as long as their partner knows how to fascinate them. They can hardly stand boredom or routine in a relationship. They do not like conflicts at all; if a relationship becomes too strenuous or involves too much effort, they tend to withdraw from the partnership and start to look for a new partner. However, if one manages to keep their curiosity alive in the long term and surprise them again and again, one has a loyal and loving partner.

i tired, im giving in. i apologized, im sorry. i was left alone, im ignored. Even till now. Should i do anything about it? History seems to repeat again and again. i shouldn't have any hope from the start.
So much of hope i put on it. so much of disappointment now. Today, Seems to be the worst day. Bored, stayed home whole day. Restless since morning. moodless to do anything. Hungry, but im moodless to eat. hasnt eaten, hasnt done anything except bath. My hate my life now. ive nting left, no one there. Its sux. let today be the last day of sorrow. ill move on..

Lamborghini - 17:24;

Went town for dinner at pastamania with colin, bert, louis( PS kia), Lynal. After that went timbre for drink and pizza. The live band was cool and nice!

Long Island Tea!..Was quite strong.

Cheers to lynal.

Louis dead. lol!

Lynal, quite retard actually lol!

My life might seems to be happening, but there something missing. Something that i need and it isnt there. Im still trying my best to let go. Memories still flooding through my mind. Those memories were so real like its was reality still. They were so wonderful to me. Actually looking back i had Wonderful times with her around, wonderful times we spent out together. We joke, laugh at other people, studied together..... So many happiness. But there were frequent downs which we overcomed. Now this problem is what we could not overcome, we gave in. So all things changed. But im still glad i had those memories to keep my company when im lonely. Now its different, she might have other him to encourage her, joke with her, laugh with her. Hmm.. And I hope she could do her paper tomorrow with confidences. Its hurt to see her so sad over those papers that she done. I wish i could help, but theres noting i can do. Ive got no say to her anymore, she has got others to be beside her i guess. That guy will cheer her up i guess. But still may she be blessed to do well. I dont want her to be sad. It hurts me. I know i have to learn to let go sometimes. Its isnt easy as said. I still love her like how i do from the start. But im trying not to think about it. everything seems to have link to her. My life is so screwed up. But im learning to handle all this, its part or growing. I'll get over it soon.. All the best for her exams, i prayed.

Lamborghini - 02:28;

Thursday, 11 December 2008

First time someone opened a bottle whiskey for me to drink all i can. Such a kind soul. See how we enjoyed. Drink all you can, drive you troubles away, not your car people! Muhahaha.

This bottle cause $160.

A 12 year old macallan, whiskey

On the rock. with peanuts and chips and ikan bilis. there was bread too actually. LOL!

Louis Messaging girl! Gotta!

Still messaging! Im jealous Louis!

Me and louis..

Cheers! dalbert and them all missing from the picture. Dalbert shy! lol

Hmm, still getting over her. im trying. Thanks for those who cared. I wont be able to contact her anymore. This might help a little as you all said.
Pei Jing and Hui Ying and Si tong(Da Jie Jie)thanks so much for your concern, ill be alright okay? promise. you guys too okay? Smile=) see im fine right! HAHA!
And Hui Ying Thanks for being there to cheer me up all the time, you rox.
Pei Jing message me next time if you looking for me bah, ill be hardly online i guess from now on. Parents went overseas, so i dont like being home alone.yup.take care too. ill cheer up!you too..^^

Si tong cheer up too! we are on the same boat. sad to say. but yea can overcome it! jia yous.
And Yi ting, work on friday okay? so maybe we could go town and go back together=)
hmm.. Ive started to exercise, someone told me it makes you tired and keep your mind out of thinking things, emo thing i mean..=) Had been cycling around. actually yup it help a little too=) But now bicycle had become a transport for me to go out near by. like west area to meet up with friends late at night. all this things would keep me busy i hope. but i still need someone special by my side. i hope time would bring that her to me one day. i Hate being lonely, I just need a girl to love. ^^ "when my world becomes ours."

Lamborghini - 04:04;

Wednesday, 10 December 2008

things shouldnt be this way. i didnt mean it to be the way you think. but there arent any chances left. your actions tells it all. end the story with this date. its time to learn.

Lamborghini - 17:19;

Tuesday, 9 December 2008

Hardly talk to her anymore. This seems like a torture, as lonely as one can be. Now theres no way back, ill just look ahead pretending those times we shared as a wonderful dream. i cant imagine how she is now. Is she hurt? or Is she happier? or this doesnt have any impact to her.
Its all happened last thursday. Where she got him so drive her home. I was sad, i kept quiet. You told me there nothing, just normal. I believed it. Friday night till sunday night, you didnt replied me. I was depress, i needed someone there, my wrist ligerment has worsen after CATS. I was all alone, i kept thinking alot about what is going to happened. I used to go bowling when im sad, down, helpless. But? i cant bowl for the time being. I need to rest for a long period, but milos coming, how? what if it tears? all this flooded my mind. Just one SMS from you would have calm me down. Sunday night i recieved your message, you told me you didnt have my number as you changed phone. I didnt argue, i was very tired of doing it to you all the time. I message you a few times Sat and Sunday, its obvious my numbers there right? you lied right into my face. nevermind, that morning i went online, saw you online. talked to you. Same NO REPLY.. Went to your blog, Saw all the tags and the time. You were there at your com. Read your entires, you took bike again. And you like it soo much. Have you ever thought of how i felt? at that moment, i pulled away. The only way for me to know if he and the bike is what you wanted over me, is to leave. I was hush of doing it. BUT True enough, you didnt do anything. I was hoping for some console, instead you even gave me attitude. maybe all along, i was the one that think too much. There wasnt me in your picture at all. you let me go just like that. Not even trying to do anything. Maybe you didnt know how much your actions could have done to me. Maybe i did it the wrong way, but at least i know im so worthless to you. i wish you good for the future. i thank her for teaching me stuffs and correcting my errors, i wont repeat it for the next girl ill fall for. Ive never lied to you, i love you still. but i see you happier without me..

Lamborghini - 13:27;

Sunday, 7 December 2008

You are doing it again and again, things never work out.. its never gets into you. i hate it. Dont care to explain, cause it never works, since long ago. Im sensitive or what ever you want to say. thats it. and what have you been doing, not a single reply.. im not waiting for it anymore. its has been a day. Not even a minute to tell me anything. Dont say you have no time, its just a lie.
Hmm went to spgg yesterday as i had nting to do. then went down town alone to look for some gifts. next visited yi ting who was working there. OMG yi ting! she works! haha so unbelievable right? her work area is so small la.. how did she survived, i would have bored to death.. Watched BOLT at the cathey at 1.45am. was quite boring but touching.. not really nice to watch actually.. very draggy and repeats the motion of some parts. rather boing.. and now im super bored thats why i came to blog.. where should i be going today? With my wrist ligerment injury, i cant really do anything much. its has worsen, i cant really use force on it, its hurt badly. I cannot stop bowling! its what i have been putting effort in. now, so depress and lonely. May i recover soon. no one knows, but im really scared. imagining things for the worst. Life is never fair..

Lamborghini - 15:38;

Friday, 5 December 2008

Exams over.. i hope ill do well.. i did studied actually.. haha And i fail CATs(COMPUTER AIDED TRACKING SYSTEM) if im not wrong.. failed lange angle.. haha expected.. release today wasnt good..shall hope for hand pick! haha all the best to me.. hope to get into the squard next year start. Then can join lynal. nic, jonathan and more.. haha fun i guess! hope to improve more in bowling too.. injured my right wrist ligerment.. ouch.. haha reover soon i hope.. but if worsen then its game over for me.. resting in progress.. no bowling for now.. hmm exams over, play time.. hope to leave the country soon.. singapore is so stressful.. malaysia i hope tomorrow or the day after.. hehehe..
To the someone she herself knows, Im sorry.. i wasnt able the protect you.. sorry.. hope you cheer up and all the best for your exams.. take care=)^^

Lamborghini - 21:29;

Tuesday, 2 December 2008

To me you seems to be that chain. when i drifted away, when i decided to go, you pulled me back as close as you could. When i was that close, almost stucked to you, you allowed the wind, the waters and the pressure to pull me apart from you. Almost thinking that i was all on my own, searching for a place to hang on, and never drifted so freely. Then again, the tension of you pulled me back.. Giving me somewhere, some direction to go.. then it continues. Will it come to a time where the chain breaks, getting us no where, and we are still at the point where we started?

Lamborghini - 22:23;

Monday, 1 December 2008

EXAMS stress.. have not been studying hard for it.. just started 1 days before the papers, hope everythings all right!.. arha hard actually.. life isnt any better, maybe just so little? aish.. just as lonely.. but ill keep my comments.. no complain ok! haha sian...

Lamborghini - 21:49;